Thirty-one was off to an interesting start. I spent the entire day packing up the first apartment I moved into alone in three years.

Box after box. Memory after memory.

I did it; after barely wanting to get out of bed most days. I was finally able to reflect on 30 and be proud of the person I was becoming.

I spent all of October looking for a new place, and I settled on a complex that made the most sense for my budget, commute, and social life.

It just so happened to be where my ex lived.

Luckily, the complex had five massive neighborhoods. So, the odds of us living in the same neighborhood were slim.

Right?

Because I didn’t want things to be awkward if I saw him at the gym or package room, I gave him a courtesy call. He reassured me that we’d never see each other and I reassured him that I didn’t want to.

Spending the last few months with a guy who swept me off my feet, then having him not even wish me a happy birthday, I was beginning to question everything.

In the midst of the move and my emotions, I received the news that my grandma wasn’t doing too well. She was a breast cancer survivor, but the cancer came back and was making her body weary.

I called her to thank her for my birthday card. She never, ever missed a birthday.

She was rather reflective on this call and dropped many gems. One in particular stood out.

“Don’t wait for anyone. Just do things by yourself and have a great time; or else you’ll be waiting forever.”

That was the last time I talked to her. Though at the time, I didn't know it yet.

The next day, I moved into my new place.

I hated it.

I hated everything about it.

There were ants in the kitchen and bathroom. It was drafty. The lighting was awful.

I looked out the window and saw a car that resembled my ex’s. But, I thought nothing of it because his car is pretty standard; and I continued going on about the day.

As I tried to make the most of my situation, I realized that moving into this neighborhood was a mistake. Just knowing he lived in a one mile radius gave me awful anxiety. I often wondered where he was and what he was doing.

It officially had been one year since the breakup, and I knew I wasn’t ready to face him if I ever saw him again.

A week goes by and I’m still dreading living in the apartment. As I’m walking my dog, I noticed the car across the street from my place again. I looked at the car tags and saw that it expired in January.

In Georgia, tags expire on your birthday month.

His birthday is in January.

I died a little.

Because God, I know; I KNOW you didn’t move me in the building directly across the street from him.

I run back in the house and call him.

Him: Hello?

Me: Hey, do you live in 2087?

Him: Yeah? Why?

Me: I LIVE ACROSS THE STREET. I SEE YOUR CAR.

I had an anxiety attack.

Because what are the odds? How does this happen in a neighborhood that has over 500 units? Why must you do this to me, Lord?

I spent the rest of December depressed. My grandma passed away and the only person I wanted to lean on was my ex. He’d been with me through a previous family tragedy, and I knew that him living so close was to help me through this hardship.

I called him again.

I let him know about my grandma and he gave his condolences. I asked him to come over and he informed me that he had a girlfriend.

In complete disbelief, I started crying. And kept crying for days.

Nothing made sense.

Death of my grandma. Death of a love. Death of a life I once knew.

My friends rallied behind me and made a video of kind words to cheer me up in the midst of my sorrow. As it inched closer to New Years, I vowed to make 2018 the last year I ever felt like this.

2019 brought in a clean slate and a breath of fresh air.

A new chapter; officially closing a part of my life that no longer served any good.

After I came back from New York to celebrate my grandma’s life, I knew it was time for a change. I called the leasing office and asked to change units.

I just couldn’t live across from him anymore.

They allowed me to move in a new section of the neighborhood; where I never saw him or his car again.

It was time to start anew.

Having him completely out of sight did more for my peace than I initially thought it would. I was able to begin the real process of focusing on my future; instead of trying to figure out what went wrong in my past.

I felt a sense of relief for the first time in over a year. Him telling me he had a girlfriend was a wake up call that I, too, needed to move on.

For real.

Soon after the move, my friends added me to a Coachella GroupMe to start planning for housing. And that’s when I was introduced to this guy from Chicago who made me smile all day long.